There are hundreds of ways to get a date, but there are not that many effective ways to get a long-term relationship. It takes more than a good conversation and a great first kiss to make lasting connections. Think about it this way: Those guys who spend their time dating would-be love interests just to sleep with them? They’re not doing you any favors by getting you laid. The goal of dating is to develop a long-term bond, not just to get laid. (Unless, of course, that’s what you’re after, then have fun, baby.)
The problem is, we’re learning as we go. Up until now, we’ve been trying to fix our relationships according to what we know rather than what we’re doing. But a broken relationship is much like a movie—the most effective ones are those that are essentially unwatchable: boring, predictable, and basically unwatchable.
Think about your dating history. One date is a good thing, but three of the same ones in a row are probably a relationship in the making. By trying to find the perfect romantic partner, or hooking up every weekend, or with a stranger at a bar, you’re throwing away the chance to really connect with someone. You’re forming preferences. That first guy is hot because he was the last. The second is hot because you slept with him the night before. The third is hot because you’re drunk and he’s not. You might have your principles about how you want to date, but every time you think you have someone, you’re really just swinging and hoping that you’ll hit the jackpot.
“Getting a girl to like you is hard,” says dating coach Michael Fiore. “But getting a girl to marry you is harder. Love is fickle. Romance can die. I don’t care if it’s Disney, Warner Brothers, or my booty call. When it’s over, it’s over.” There are dating coaches out there who will tell you that the only way to find a partner is by going out and meeting people. That’s true, and it is your job to figure out what you like and what you don’t like. But going out and getting in the dating pool doesn’t mean you’ll be the best swimmers in the deep end. By the time you meet that one person you want to be with, you’ll be halfway through your twenties and what have you gained? You’re destined to spin your wheels unless you figure out how https://www.dominant-women.net/best-hookups-with-dominant-women-top-bdsm-facts-and-hints/
Most of the time, dating feels like a series of low-stakes encounters with people who could be anyone, and it’s hard to judge who you’d be really attracted to, what kind of qualities you’d admire, and how you’d act under pressure. To make things easier on you, here are a few things to keep in mind as you get ready to do battle with the singles of the modern era:
People are much less judgmental than they were before.
Casual dating used to be all about immediately sussing people out based on their appearance, clothing, and how they were bearing themselves. Now, there’s a lot more about what’s happening in their lives—especially with an app-based culture, which makes it much easier to find out someone’s social media handles, relationship status, and what music they like.
The internet is very good at allowing you to judge someone from afar. If you don’t bother to talk to someone, you can just check them out online and make assumptions about who they are based on the stuff they put out there. You might find someone with tattoos and piercings that you wouldn’t normally be attracted to, someone who has long hair that you’d consider a hair metal cliché, or someone who has way too much makeup. Whatever you may feel about them, the point is that you’re not actually seeing them in person.
The same thing is true of online dating profiles. The person you’re talking to on Match.com may not be who they say they are. They could be married, or a serial killer. You don’t know who they really are. And you can easily judge someone based on the fact that they’re not taking any of the photos you’ve seen in their profile. You know who they are, but they’re just not showing their entire person.
That’s why, even in this day and age, dating often begins in conversation. The way to get to know someone is to talk to them. You can do this in bars, online, over coffee, or at parties. Talking is a window into a person’s life. You can learn a lot just by listening to them tell a story about themselves, and you can figure out who they are if they’re more forthcoming than they need to be.
Seek out people with friends and familiar faces.
It’s easy to talk to someone when they’re sitting across from you. It’s harder to get to know someone if they’re with friends.